Some of you know we ‘stole away’ to Atlantic Beach (never even been) last week.  It was a last minute...let’s DO IT! AND ...so glad we did!  I don’t know what it was about us ‘trying’ to adjust here at home, but it wasn’t happening.  The boys were just...well, they were pretty adjusted!  The rest of us were living in a funk.  I don’t know that it even looked the same for each of us, but we were not ‘our family’.  By the Lord’s mercy, I was able to allow us to be where we were: sometimes bad moods, sometimes bitter, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes blah.  Now this wasn’t constant...WE WERE LOVING THE BOYS AND ENJOYING THEM SO MUCH!!! But inside, each of us ‘older schwarzes’ were struggling.  I know I was mostly struggling b/c I couldn’t get any!!! time alone and my time with the Lord consisted of toddlers rolling cars over my legs, my bible and bringing me other ‘books’ to read.  I gave up.  I felt like this season I needed to give them ME. 

So, I finally caved that it would be good to get away (as insane as it sounded!!...we weren’t even cooking many meals for ourselves thanks to generous friends!).  The ride down stunk, the 1st couple of days were, well ...filled w some grumpies. Surprisingly though, something began to shift.  We all let go.  We let go of what we were...a family of 5, attention for individuals, late night conversations with older ones, sleep, couple time...whatever we treasured most...we just let go.  It wasn’t easy, but something was unfolding.  MORE laughter, more BEING, more WAITING, more JOY.  I resisted.  I wanted to ‘fix’ all that I saw on the outside (i.e. sin) and get it together while we had time to focus.  Thankfully, the Lord led me to futility in that and to repentance, that I could see my OWN heart and shortcomings more than everyone elses. It was not pretty, but what the Lord promises to be ‘pretty’ is after being refined. 

So, I unplugged last week and imposed it on everyone else (for the most part).  It was lovely.  It wasn’t even hard.  So much so that I resent not being able to keep it that way coming home.  We’ll see what comes because some changes have been ‘decided’.  Not easy, but intentional. It kinda helps when 2 toddlers won’t look at the TV!!  You have to find something all the time.

OH, back to refined.  I’m not sure what to make of blogging right now.  It’s no longer our ‘adoption journey’.  It’s our 'new' family being refined.  All because God chose for 2 PRECIOUS (AND THEY ARE!!!) BOYS from Ethiopia to enter our world.  What I wasn’t prepared for was us entering theirs.  Their world of simplicity, gratefulness and calm.  I don’t know why, but I’m drawn.  Just like I was drawn to the people when we were in Ethiopia.  I miss them.  You can’t get a ‘taste’ of it and not want more.  We have sooo many blessings but often lack one of the biggest: contentment in Christ.  Our sons have had the hand of God on them.  Prayers have been answered!  I can not begin to recount the ways they are apt to be joyful and offer praise.  Now they pray in English (ok: it’s dear God, thank you, we love you) but it’s PRAYER!! Now they can say spontaneously: "I love you! Jesus loves you!"  It just thrills my SOUL!! Why? I’m not sure they even know what it means, but they know prayer and love are important. They know it’s important to praise and proclaim.  I don’t think we’re ‘doing things well’ if you ask me.  I do think JESUS IS THOUGH!! To God be the Glory...great things HE continues to do ...as we ask, wait and hope!!

Stay tuned for some ‘realizations’ from our time away.  In the meantime...some pix for fun:)

                                                  Our van is not as spacious as it use to be;)

                                             Do you see it? Bursting forth? Just a 'woohoo'!!

     We spent earlier ams on the beach with 'the littles' and Aliza it was sweet, but better with coffee first! We'd come home for breakfast and greet 'the olders' and then all head back to the beach until lunch. Then we'd crash;)

 There's PLENTY of water!! (reminder to pray for the drought in Africa...and where the boys are from)

 Just loved Aliza learning to be a big sister ...of course she was much more confident in what she could handle with them than met the eye...so no 'turning it over' (yet).

 This is our late am walk to the beach.  Just look how the boys learned so quickly how to get their 'goods' to the beach...African style...on their heads! We never did that to show them!

                                                          Love the all hands on deck...

  Mealtime....so many new foods to try and they're so proud that they show (and tell) us with each bite! And they should be proud!! There are so many different tastes I realize!

                     Just had to include this one with the boys getting in on the 'make-over'

 So we relegated them to the storage closet..it worked!  can't believe they stayed in the packNplays (ok minus 1 night of a straggler found crying and wondering the halls only to meet up w a 9 year straggler doing the same;)  all was fine:) sleep walking...

 Love this...in the beginning...I'll just wait for the waves to come get ME!! (jeremiah)

                                            Can you tell who's bolder from this pix?

                                                               she looks like surfer gal...

                                              and bathing beauty...

                                             and all business....

                                                                     and all fun!

                                      the boys.....

                                      first boat ride:)

                                                    the original father-son duo;) wow! time flies!

                          aliza and i coming around the bend before spotting the wild horses....

                                              finally...

                                               aliza really warmed up to her big sis fun:) 

             only a glimpse of our pix evening...not so successful, but how do you get 5 kids to take a pix?! 

                                                                   jacob

                                                                 Nice wind effects;o

 

                                                      jeremiah

                                                              Kaylee Ann...

Life is messy...but not for long...

Isaiah 48:6 ESV"You have heard; now see all this; and will you not declare it? From this time forth I announce to you new things, hidden things that you have not known.

Great article from World Magazine re: Ethiopian adoptions!!!

WELL DONE WORLD MAGAZINE!!

2 Weeks Home...the abnormal norm...

If you had asked me 2 weeks ago what life would be like today, I would have laughed if you gave me the words ‘normal’.  Today, our life just seems normal.  I know it’s not. Andy’s still off, meals are still delivered, kids are in summer mode (i.e. little responsibility) and we’re day by day.  But still, life today seems normal.  I even turned to Kaylee Ann as we pulled out of the driveway this morning and asked her to look back down the driveway.
I said, “What does it feel like to you to look down there at those boys with Daddy?”
She replied, “Normal”. 
I said, “ME TOO!”.  I can’t even remember what it was like not having them and think how RIGHT it feels to have our family here. 
I say to her, “you know that’s the grace of God, don’t you?”. 
She says, “All I know is the minute I saw their pictures I knew they were OURS”. 
Yes sweet KA...they are ours. 

But that “OURS” is loaded.  It’s A LOT DIFFERENT around here.  It’s big change for all of us.  I have hesitated to mention this here til now, but the adjustment has been more for US than the boys.  I was not prep’d for that!!! We had focused all our energy around what we do, how things would be different, praying for the boys,etc.  Graciously, God answered those prayers in detail!! They have hardly had a BLIP!! (in comparison to what we were prep’g for).  But the rest of us...major malfunction!!! I don’t mean we’re frozen, but I do mean we’re surprised! In the last week I’ve come to realize that this too is God’s mercy.  You see, we were so focused on the boys.  When the boys were ‘ok’, it was time and good to say ‘what about us’?  I realize now that God has seen fit to blow our family security and what we knew as ‘home’ apart.  I think it was pretty good frankly.  God has to put the pieces back together the way HE sees fit with all 7 of us.  We thought it would be 5+2...it’s not...it’s God + 7.  There’s a big difference.  I don’t know still what that’s going to settle into, but the new norm and the new status quo is not there.  The only norm is we’re 7 and we’re learning.  Individually and as a family.

Andy and I can’t figure out where our days are going, but are ok with that. I’d like to have more time with him, but evidently, that’s not what his time off is about (so far!).  So, again I’m clinging.  I found myself wanting to cling to the familiar ways of order, figure it all out and get everyone on board.   Quickly I’ve been reminded each day that this time is unique.  Unique for each of us.  I’m floundering too.  It’s ok.  The Lord is quick to take floundering souls and smother them with HIMSELF.  So for now, that’s all we can cling to.  Not because it’s ‘awful’, but because it’s a ‘normal’ that we don’t know. 

The word I keep using lately is GLAD.  I find myself just glad.  I’m not ecstatic (although I think it would be nice and I should be) and I’m not confused (like I was when I first came home).  I’m glad.  I’m glad because I feel like we’re smack dab right where God wants us.  I’d like to think He and I see eye to eye on getting this new norm show on the road, but really...why would we?  He’s not a normal type of guy.  He’s GOD and He’s not about the norm.  So that’s where I stand in our ‘normal’...it’s about waiting again for our family to adjust but more importantly about waiting each day for our God to do the abnormal in the midst of the norm...AND HE IS!!

KID/FAMILY REPORT:
Justin: He’s rock star status in the boys’ eyes (and he knows it).  I love how he rough houses, picks them up, teaches them insider phrases (ok...some have had to be edited) and little quirks they copy him on.  He’s proud and engages and I’m glad. 

Kaylee Ann: week 1 was a total confusion for her. I’ll leave it at that.  Now, she’s in her ‘mode’.  I don’t have to ask her to do anything ...she’ll see it.  What I’m glad about though is she’s not playing ‘mom’.  She’s living big sis and has an eye for their hearts.  Just a treat to watch. 


Aliza: Well...no surprise that our ‘baby’ for 9 years has had the biggest ‘hit’.  As we’ve prayed, talked and learned I’m amazed at how grown up she is with them.  I know she wants to be a great big sis.  She’s learning.  They weren’t responding to her last week but this week, they ask for her!! Now she sees that their wanting her attention on everything (vs someone elses) isn’t as great as she thought!  Still, she’s rising to the occasion and WANTS to get up with us and ride her bike and read,play,etc.  I find her often just wanting to be near them in whatever else she’s doing.  She likes their company. 

Andy: WOW!! I can’t imagine what it’s like to take off work and be immersed in family life for 6 weeks!! No surprise that he’s rolling with it.  We’re so different when it comes to ‘play and work’ but thankfully we (he) are learning!  He’s so wonderful how he’s willing to go with the flow and doesn’t expect more than where we are.  I’m grateful for him being home, not only for the help, but to point each other to fun and quirks we’re learning.  I don’t know how the boys will understand that Daddy’s work once this respite is over?! hmm....

ME: I ramble enough here...suffice to say I was fighting some virus and now feeling better so all seems grand;)  I’m amazed daily how much JOY we are having as a family in what the Lord is unfolding before us.  I’m grateful for the snippets of conversations and people as but also blessed by how content the boys are.  It humbles us all.

(my view from the front seat...)

Jeremiah: They are a duo!! Jeremiah though is the younger and is starting to use more English words!! It’s exciting and surprising.  Jeremiah is the tougher eye contact to catch and the quicker to w/draw his hugs,etc.  On the flip side, he’s the quickest to just enjoy and play and not be ruffled. 

(1st piece of pizza!!...how do you hold this?)

Jacob: Definitely the ‘dominate’ and boss.  I’ll say Jacob has become much more tendered in these couple of weeks.  He was trying I think so hard.  Now I still think he’s a pleaser, but having the chance just to ‘be’ seems to really fit him.  He does NOT like it if his brother is upset and does not like ‘no’.  Thankfully, he’s learning and coming around much quicker when disappointed. 

(breakfast the morning after goggle discovery...note we like boiled eggs straight up like momma!)

FUNNY: The boys moved out of cribs straight to their beds when they came home.  They’ll lay in there for an hour singing, chanting, and talking before falling asleep.  They’ll call us, but HAVE YET TO TRY TO GET OUT OF THEIR BEDS!! I’m just grateful for now. I’m most grateful they have each other and also had JESUS with them....it’s OBVIOUS!!

2 weeks may still be honeymoon but just like in marriage...it’s grand and a great starting point for the life ahead.  THANKS FOR PRAYING FOR US!!! Sometimes I’ll get an email or someone will say exactly what we need and that’s what they’re praying.  In awe that God would be moving others for US!

Stay connected to Jesus...it’s where the abnormal norm is found;)