Joy in the Journey...: 7/24/11

Some of you know we ‘stole away’ to Atlantic Beach (never even been) last week. It was a last minute...let’s DO IT! AND ...so glad we did! I don’t know what it was about us ‘trying’ to adjust here at home, but it wasn’t happening. The boys were just...well, they were pretty adjusted! The rest of us were living in a funk. I don’t know that it even looked the same for each of us, but we were not ‘our family’. By the Lord’s mercy, I was able to allow us to be where we were: sometimes bad moods, sometimes bitter, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes blah. Now this wasn’t constant...WE WERE LOVING THE BOYS AND ENJOYING THEM SO MUCH!!! But inside, each of us ‘older schwarzes’ were struggling. I know I was mostly struggling b/c I couldn’t get any!!! time alone and my time with the Lord consisted of toddlers rolling cars over my legs, my bible and bringing me other ‘books’ to read. I gave up. I felt like this season I needed to give them ME.

So, I finally caved that it would be good to get away (as insane as it sounded!!...we weren’t even cooking many meals for ourselves thanks to generous friends!). The ride down stunk, the 1st couple of days were, well ...filled w some grumpies. Surprisingly though, something began to shift. We all let go. We let go of what we were...a family of 5, attention for individuals, late night conversations with older ones, sleep, couple time...whatever we treasured most...we just let go. It wasn’t easy, but something was unfolding. MORE laughter, more BEING, more WAITING, more JOY. I resisted. I wanted to ‘fix’ all that I saw on the outside (i.e. sin) and get it together while we had time to focus. Thankfully, the Lord led me to futility in that and to repentance, that I could see my OWN heart and shortcomings more than everyone elses. It was not pretty, but what the Lord promises to be ‘pretty’ is after being refined.

So, I unplugged last week and imposed it on everyone else (for the most part). It was lovely. It wasn’t even hard. So much so that I resent not being able to keep it that way coming home. We’ll see what comes because some changes have been ‘decided’. Not easy, but intentional. It kinda helps when 2 toddlers won’t look at the TV!! You have to find something all the time.

OH, back to refined. I’m not sure what to make of blogging right now. It’s no longer our ‘adoption journey’. It’s our 'new' family being refined. All because God chose for 2 PRECIOUS (AND THEY ARE!!!) BOYS from Ethiopia to enter our world. What I wasn’t prepared for was us entering theirs. Their world of simplicity, gratefulness and calm. I don’t know why, but I’m drawn. Just like I was drawn to the people when we were in Ethiopia. I miss them. You can’t get a ‘taste’ of it and not want more. We have sooo many blessings but often lack one of the biggest: contentment in Christ. Our sons have had the hand of God on them. Prayers have been answered! I can not begin to recount the ways they are apt to be joyful and offer praise. Now they pray in English (ok: it’s dear God, thank you, we love you) but it’s PRAYER!! Now they can say spontaneously: "I love you! Jesus loves you!" It just thrills my SOUL!! Why? I’m not sure they even know what it means, but they know prayer and love are important. They know it’s important to praise and proclaim. I don’t think we’re ‘doing things well’ if you ask me. I do think JESUS IS THOUGH!! To God be the Glory...great things HE continues to do ...as we ask, wait and hope!!

Stay tuned for some ‘realizations’ from our time away. In the meantime...some pix for fun:)

Our van is not as spacious as it use to be;)

Do you see it? Bursting forth? Just a 'woohoo'!!

We spent earlier ams on the beach with 'the littles' and Aliza it was sweet, but better with coffee first! We'd come home for breakfast and greet 'the olders' and then all head back to the beach until lunch. Then we'd crash;)

There's PLENTY of water!! (reminder to pray for the drought in Africa...and where the boys are from)

Just loved Aliza learning to be a big sister ...of course she was much more confident in what she could handle with them than met the eye...so no 'turning it over' (yet).

This is our late am walk to the beach. Just look how the boys learned so quickly how to get their 'goods' to the beach...African style...on their heads! We never did that to show them!

Love the all hands on deck...

Mealtime....so many new foods to try and they're so proud that they show (and tell) us with each bite! And they should be proud!! There are so many different tastes I realize!

Just had to include this one with the boys getting in on the 'make-over'

So we relegated them to the storage closet..it worked! can't believe they stayed in the packNplays (ok minus 1 night of a straggler found crying and wondering the halls only to meet up w a 9 year straggler doing the same;) all was fine:) sleep walking...