Decisions?!?!!

Lots of ‘decisions’ seem to be lurking in the Schwarz household.  I will spare you the details of them, but suffice to say, they have been decisions we knew were coming.  Some, like clock work every year, others just imminent. So, why are they so hard to make?  I wish I knew.  I have some sense that “I’ll screw up” I’m sure.  The funny thing as we wait and push these decisions out as long as possible, we wait for updates and details with our boys in Ethiopia.  I’ve learned that there are a couple kinds of waiting.  1- Waiting that you know has an end
2- Waiting where the end may or may not occur

Guess which one is harder? Yep...the latter.  Why? I think because there’s nothing to hook into.  Nothing to sink our teeth (or minds) around.  And certainly no planning to help in the wait.  So, I’ve discovered that our ‘decisions’ fall into the former category.  Waiting with a determined end.  I don’t know the end, but it will resolve.  We actually WILL make a decision.  That’s much easier than waiting for my ‘patience’ or my kids to walk with Jesus, being a better wife and mother, etc. 

So why differentiate?  I’ve found great joy in realizing that most of life’s aches fall in the latter category...you just don’t know.  I’ve also found most of life’s daily decisions and run of the mill life decisions fall in the former.  SO...there’s that word I so like...FREEDOM!! in making decisions.  They’re not forever.  I think they’ll affect forever, but they’re not as big as I think they are.  They’re part of the choices we get to make.  The decisions lead us to seek Jesus and to trust Him as we walk in faith.

Ironically, there’s still a divider.  The hard things I wait on and hope for, they’ll end too.  Maybe just not this side of heaven.  I really don’t want to live a life of only having JOY in what’s to come.  I want to live NOW with joy (and think we can) because of the power and life of Jesus in us.  That gives me hope.  It’s sometimes like a surprise party in my days.  I turn and see...wow!  there’s an end (or turning) that I didn’t know
“when and if”!
 
WAITING...it’s hard.  It’s hard because it’s filled with expectancy.  I wrote earlier on expecting.  I’ve come to realize there’s an overlap.  The overlap is in the hope.  HOPE has peace and rest.  Expecting often has a delivery of something...it’s pretty sure.  It falls into my category 1 of waiting...it will end.  I HOPE in that end.  Same with waiting on the unknowns.  I HOPE.  What’s different is I hope then more in JESUS...not on the outcome.  So, maybe we all should embrace our ‘category 2’ waiting more.  There’s more room for HOPE ...and JOY, because there’s more room for the unexpected.  Jesus  just likes to surprise us sometimes.  I think it makes him smile. I’m treasuring that in my ‘unknowns’ ahead. To know that Jesus would smile when I delight in seeing a glimpse of His hand...and better yet, His heart.

I'm expecting...

Today I arise, like any other day,
Asking the Lord for what I hope will go my way.
Today I’m expecting for big news,
for God to do something spectacular...moving mountains HE can move.
Today I’m expecting our boys’ papers to go to court
Knowing full well I have nothing to offer to cut this process short.
So today I’m expecting that I’ll wrestle, ask and wait;
Our boys and our family are known to Him and with Him is our fate.
I’m expecting answers on many fronts for decisions that need deciding,
I want to know clearly what is in store but know full well it’s all in abiding.
So I’m expecting today, like any other day, a world of unknowns to unfold,
But realizing it’s not where I’ll find my God as much as with His hand that holds.
I’ll carry on expecting and waiting, forgetting constantly what’s true,
Regardless Jesus is with me saying “I love YOU”. 
I’m expecting less as I realize this simple truth,
because in it lies such beauty and rest that says, “God, I’m expecting more of YOU!”
That He can do because it’s where His heart longs
To see His children resting and expecting He will prove Himself strong.
I’m expecting ....