Went shopping...

So we’ve been picking up a few things here and there to take with us on our trip and to the orphanage.  Tonight though, WE WENT SHOPPING...FOR THE KIDS! It was funny, I didn’t even flinch at the ‘total’.  I don’t even feel done.  Why? I’m still processing.  I think a piece of it is OUR BOYS will be playing and growing from what we bring.  Still, why do I need a ‘connection’ to care?  Why does it matter if ‘our boys’ touch these toys and activities? That’s my flesh...justify it, make sense, connect personally.  Thankfully, my God knows me enough to connect the dots for me.  Then He shows me.  See? All along...children,innocent children; without families, without folks coming to to them...all around.  Children who are orphaned, alone and unsettled.  My heart is stirred, again.

These orphans can’t help their plight.  They can’t know what they’re ‘missing’.  Then I think, will our boys be more ‘unfocused’ because they’ve never had a chance to focus on ‘toys and games’? Will they ever adjust to what America offers? Will they ever remember what life was like in Ethiopia?  The answer to these questions don’t really matter do they?  They don’t matter because they’re the WRONG QUESTIONS!  The only thing that matters that they’re missing in their life in mine is the hand of Jesus.  It’s all settled when that’s there.  But every single day I function (in fact over function) as if there are soooo many things to add to that settlement. 

You see, I hope and pray that God is at work through our adoption of our boys, The J Crew;)  That’s in HIS hands though.  What has been shown to me over and over is how much I need reminding of this ‘exchange’ that has already taken place for ME...and all the Schwarzes.  Why is it, that I really think there’s something else?  I mean, if there was, then why would I be ‘risking’ taking my kids clear across the world to Ethiopia?  I wouldn’t.  I’d play it safe.  I’d hibernate in my bubble of comfort, of acquiring, of having and of enjoying.  I’d never say ‘dare’.  But guess what? I say ‘dare’! I dare my own heart to trust...to trust that God has things for us as we step our of our comfort and into His calling.  Don’t think for a minute it’s been ‘easy’.  I’ve realized that when God says, ‘follow’, there’s not guarantees where we’re going.  That’s where the ‘Jakob’ wrestling comes in.  That’s where the holding onto of ‘promises’ that “Jeremiah” knew I cling to.  That’s why TO Jeremiah and Jakob, we come.  Not just because of adoption, but because of our Father...your Father, and our inheritance.  There’s nothing greater than a God who doesn’t get tired of clingy children. 

So, we went shopping, we bought lots of ‘stuff’, and we cling.  We cling not to what we bring, but to who brings us.  It’s a wild and fun ride that has its moments of fear but more moments of JOY and HOPE.  Thank you Jeremiah and Jakob for being a part of our story!! WE’RE COMING SOON!!!

One Day Without Shoes

So I thought I had done a good job when my girls were excited about promoting awareness of poverty and people throughout the world who go without shoes daily.  It helps that the one leading the charge lives in her 1 pair of TOMS, proud that another pair went to someone in need.  I’ll give it to TOMS...they’re out for some good.  (of course I did have to have my teachable moment about profit and not-for-profit companies)  Oh c’mon...I did feel the spoiler affect came as the result of the duct taped sign on my back and bare feet heading off in public. 

So, I did it.  I agreed to participate at my daughters’ begging, not b/c I really wanted to ‘support the day’ but b/c I wanted to love her.  I made that clear too.  Sad mom moment...pointing out I’m loving her well.  That’s just a small glimpse into my wimpy love!  So, I headed out, printed 8x10 ugly flyer w cute leopard print duct tape on my back and bare feet.  I did bring my shoes in case she let me cave. 

What happened next was beyond my hard heart.  I never knew feet had so many sensory points!  I mean, I wear shoes!  So I hadn’t even left the house and was aware of going out shorter (that’s a big deal when only 1 child who’s 9 is shorter than you); aware of my ugly feet, aware of the temperature difference between carpet and tile in the basement; aware of the dirt in my garage and the crunch of the leaves blown in and then...aware of the wet, gritty pavement that i walked on to get to the car.  Alas, we had arrived though.  I had made it out of the house and about my day barefoot! We chatted about how we could be sensitive today to why we were barefoot and the things shoes gave us daily. What I wasn’t prepared for was the awkwardness of not getting to explain to 80 women at Bible study the sign on my back and the bare feet I had.  How many people ‘get to explain’ their lack of blessings? I was humbled in that the 1st encounter I had I felt the urge to ‘explain’.  What happened from there came the shift.  I began this as loving my daughter, but have come to realize, I take shoes for granted.  You see yesterday was 90degrees...today was wet and colder.  I FREEZE w/o something on my feet.  So all morning, I thought about it.  It was good this was during Lent.  My measly little sacrifice to bring attention to others was often still about me. 

Fast forward to the end of the day.  WE DID IT! and you know what, my feet hurt, are dirty (I did have to go the bathroom too! yuk!).   ONE DAY WITHOUT SHOES might not have made any WestEnders in my circle think any differently about those who go without shoes daily, but it did change one...ME.  There’s an organization I had connected with that does place shoes into the hands of those in need.  I think I’ll be firming up plans to hold a drive with them.  With 2 boys coming w deformed big toenails, surely it’s b/c they didn’t have shoes to protect their feet.  I can do that.  I can give shoes.  There’s even some dignity in shoes...who would have know soles are good for the soul???

p.s. Kaylee Ann has a writing assignment now on her experience.  Surely it will be short and sweet.  I wonder what she’ll say? Probably something along the lines of :  I got my Mom to go barefoot (hahaha) and I got to tell 4 year olds that other kids around the world don’t have shoes.  So they too took off their shoes for the morning and had a ball.  Maybe the kids missed the point, maybe not, but they know this now: shoes are not a ‘given’ for everyone. Then she’ll probably add something like: I’m going to save my $ to buy some more TOMS...