Safety vs The Enemy

As our countdown to leaving for Ethiopia continues and our plans are coming together (well sort of), so are the fears.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous about what  trekking through the country with our family will be like.  It’s funny how the fears increase with the age in our family.  There’s Aliza (9) who has NONE...raw and ready! Then Kaylee Ann (11) who is a little concerned about sleeping, food and what we’ll ‘do’.  And Justin: He’s been overseas and on missions trips as long as he remembers...HE KNOWS there are always unknowns, some of which are not so pleasant to handle.  Of course me, I’m full throttle roller coaster.  Some moments confident and assured and other times ready to pull the traveling around plug (I wouldn’t pull the trip to see the boys and court plug).  Andy, well...let’s just say still a boy at heart and THRILLED!! Can’t wait for the ‘adventure’.  So, here we sit, plan and pray. 

I called this post SAFETY vs THE ENEMY for a reason.  I think this is the battle that will rage with us in the next few weeks of preparing and while we’re in Ethiopia.  I’ve come to learn that SAFETY is not my goal...not really.  It is when I try to ‘control’ my days.  It’s not when I’m surrendered to my Creator and Savior. Why? Because no matter WHAT comes my way when I’m surrendered, I’M SAFE!! I’M COVERED, NOTHING THAT ISN’T ALREADY ORDAINED FOR ME CAN BE TAKEN FROM ME!  So where else do I have to hide? I hide enough...every single day.  What’s become so dear to me though is how hiding from my sin and from who I truly am provides NO SAFETY!  SO, by the grace of God, I’m learning the safety in letting my days and heart be exposed.  In that exposure, I’M TRULY SAFE! 

So, am I afraid of ‘catching something’ ? YES! Am I afraid of being a victim to a random act of injustice? YES! Am I afraid of something happening to my family? YES!  SO WHY GO? Because I’M SAFE!  My days are already numbered and my home is already secured.  I’m not trying to sound fatalistic, I’m hope to sound optimistic.  Optimistic that God has purposed beyond what I can control IF my earthly safety is threatened.  Afraid, but moving forward...HOPEFUL!

vs THE ENEMY: No surprise the enemy wants to use every bit of my ‘trust’ that I’m safe to YELL the opposite.  Why wouldn’t he?  I’m convinced that the Lord is writing our families’ story for His purposes.  IF I say to my kids: let’s not take the risk here, then I say: You better learn that God can’t meet you all the way.  I’m not saying we should always take the riskiest path in life.  I am saying that we shouldn’t be AFRAID to choose safe as our ‘goal’.  I see constantly God intervening in my days or else I wouldn’t be here.  The enemy wants me to believe God will not come through for me.  Today I take up the side of SAFETY, but not as the world sees it.  I’m coming the believe the world and the enemy have very like sounding voices.  Which voice do you hear?  Pray for our faith and for our safety, knowing the deepest safest place is already secured for us!!  20 days....

21 Days....

21 Days...
I’ve finally realized I’m only a ‘verbal processor’ when it comes to matters that require something  I need to decide or do.  Adoption has been little of that for me.  I really like to talk about it, but I don’t have to.  If you know me, THAT’S NOT ME IN MOST OF MY LIFE!! I NEED to talk about most of my life, your life, God, thoughts, etc...it’s just how I think.  I’m trying to channel some of that to writing, but it’s mostly crazy and circular. 

So with 21 days left until our family of 5 leaves for Ethiopia, Africa, I’m speechless.  I’m moved to tears just when I type 21 days...I’m humbled, I’m honored, I’m excited, I’m scared and I’m just amazed at just how cool it is to walk with my Savior.  I haven’t posted anything since all the adoption ‘turmoil’ hit in Ethiopia over the last month (the week after the high of getting our court date).  It’s too raw.  It’s been a place of non-verbal processing...it’s called prayer.  Yes, I’m processing (I have to) but with God. 

I realized as I faced the real potential of our boys getting stuck in an orphanage for their childhood, I knew God would be their God.  What I doubted was if He would be mine. I mean in a sense of fear, tempted to believe the lies the enemy hurls and my deepest insecurities: being wrong; that we’d made a wrong choice; that I didn’t follow him; that the pain of not bringing them home would be too great; that we were too presumptuous; that I couldn’t trust my husband; that I really imagined it all...STOP..do you see? THESE ARE LIES!! And the root of them all...that God really isn’t for ME!! 

At the bottom of my deepest fears is that I’d have to make all things work together for my good...but you know what..I can’t.  I’m a failure at that. I’m glad God doesn’t honor my best attempts.  It seems like smooth sailing would have been a blessing, but I can honestly say, it would have been like having only superficial acquaintances. No true, deep, enduring friendships. It’s easier and can be protective, but it’s EMPTY.  So today I pick up FULLNESS.  Fullness which might mean I have days of aching and longing and other days of sheer joy and complete surrender.  It takes both to appreciate our God. 
No, “appreciate” is shallow...ADORE is the word I’m looking for.  There’s worship in adoration.  So today I will praise.  Today I will ADORE.  Today I will keep counting down to our trip, adoring my Lord and enduring whatever HE sees fit for our journey.  21 days....+ eternity...