How many feverish nights have my boys had without the assurance and cuddling in? How many times have they said thank you in the midst? And I don’t know. I wonder if they could just say what I added to her prayer..and thank YOU, Jesus for being with us. I know He was. Do they? I ache. I simply have not been the same since our travels in Africa. I’d like to say it was meeting ‘our boys’. It wasn’t. It was experiencing our living God in the people, beautiful country and our family. THAT was worth it. I’ve had to ponder if the Lord doesn’t call us to care for orphans for reasons other than what we see/think. I mean truly, I am glad to be a part of the Lord’s heart in that there are 2 LESS ORPHANS in the world because of HIS doing through OUR family. Still, that was just a glimpse. What we see as we walk this road is more of HIM. That contentment would be in poverty; that beauty would SCREAM in lack not more industry; that the Lord who created it all would say ‘be still, and know that I am God’ and SHOW US! I do believe we’ve experienced a renewal that makes us wonder why we haven’t when we’re home. Thankfully, the Lord is continuing to show us Himself. He’s just like that! Not in strength, smooth and ‘togetherness’ though. Ironically, it’s in the weak and uncertainty. I’m becoming (not arrived) accustomed to this uncertainty. It’s actually kinda freeing. I mean I LIKE ORDER AND PREDICTABILITY, but I’m enJOYing my God. I fight it. I try to fix it, and then, like Jacob (hint why our Yakob has significance in his name), I survive the wrestle, with a limp, but know my God a little more.
I had 1 day tomorrow (i repeat...1 day) where my kids were ‘occupied’ to wrap up home school grading and prep for standardized testing. 1 day...that’s all. It wasn’t much. Funny, I didn’t dwell there this time. If the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE sees fit that my 1 day can be interrupted by my precious daughters’ fever, then I need to get on board for that too.
It means 1 of 2 things: I either freak out about not being ready to get on a plan and bring these boys home OR I trust God sees it all and will work it all for my good. TODAY, I chose the latter. Thank you, Lord for helping me choose the 104 fever and counting verses fighting it. I welcome what you have...at least she has a mom to comfort her, pray for her and help her through. Thank you that YOU are the Father of the Fatherless... and for us!
4 comments:
Cindy, I am so blessed and inspired by the things you share here. Grateful for what the Lord is doing in and through you in this adoption journey. Praying with anticipation for you!
Cindy, I can ditto what you are saying - though I still have my control freak days! It is such a blessing just to trust and obey vs. try to hold tight and control!
Control freak here too:-) It is so amazing how God can turn our little controlled worlds on end and open our eyes to His magnitude and power. So glad that He is the God over all, including your boys in ET! Can't wait to hear that you are back with them in your arms!!!
"He's got the WHOLE world in His hands" He has been asking me to trust this simple song. It's beyond my comprehension with so much pain and sadness in the world. But He is revealing this to your family! I am thankful He is using you. There are 2 less. Thank you! I am praying for wonderful news from the Embassy! I hope Aliza is feeling better today.
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